


errant cutlery

by miniloaf (loafers)



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-12
Updated: 2014-11-12
Packaged: 2018-02-25 02:09:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2604698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loafers/pseuds/miniloaf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashton just wants to have a nice dinner with his boys. Calum, Luke and Michael however, just seem to want to drive him insane.</p>
            </blockquote>





	errant cutlery

**Author's Note:**

> for the prompt: "23. trying to go down on the other, under the table, during dinner" but i barely stuck to it.

Touring lacks structure now that Liz is no longer with them. Group outings are hard to plan and execute without her organising and corralling skills, carefully honed from bringing up three boys. It’s rare and it’s an effort, but occasionally they end up in a nice-ish restaurant together for dinner. This one even has tablecloths.

Ashton makes Luke and Michael sit on opposite sides of the table so there’s some chance that they might actually engage in conversation with the other half of the band instead of just mumbling and giggling together.

"What do we even have to talk about?" Michael complains, arms crossed and pouting, still sulking about having been made to leave his hotel room on a day off, the horror. "We’re with each other all the time.”

"Shut up and look at the menu," Ashton says, raising his own in front of his face to block out Michael’s bitching. "What are we gonna have?" He asks, considering the long list of fancy sounding starters that aren’t even called starters on the menu but hors d’oeuvres, so possibly this tablecloth restaurant is a little bit too fancy for them.

"I’m not really hungry," Luke says from beside Ashton, peering at his own menu obediently. Ashton sighs.

"I want a cheeseburger," Michael says sulkily.

"Well, they don’t do cheeseburgers,” Ashton says, only very barely this side of patient. Michael starts lowkey grumbling under his breath which sounds like it has the potential to launch into a full-blown arm-flailing rant about the glory and under-appreciation of the simple cheeseburger.

"Calum?" Ashton prompts desperately. Calum doesn’t answer, and when Ashton lowers his menu, Calum isn’t even looking at his, isn’t even paying attention, instead focused on a pretty waitress across the room he’s exchanging one-sided meaningful smiles with.

Ashton slaps his menu down on the table and gives Calum a kick.

"Ow, what the fuck!" Michael cries, too loud. Some of the nearby diners turn to look at them, including Calum, giving Michael a startled look.

"Sorry, it was meant for Calum," Ashton mumbles, sheepish.

"Me?" Calum gasps indignantly as Michael bends to rub his shin under the table.

"Well," Ashton says, his voice starting to take on a whiny quality. They’re all making him so grumpy. He just wanted to have a nice dinner. "We’re trying to have a family meal here and you’re tuning girls," Ashton hisses, leaning across the table to be heard.

"Oh yeah?" Michael sits back up, head perked up like a meerkat, "who?"

Calum grins and starts to try and subtly identify the object of his leery affections for Michael as Ashton sits back in his chair with a groan. He considers trying for a better aimed kick but then Luke sends his knife clattering to the floor with a misjudged slip of his elbow.

"Oh my god, are you serious, are you three?" Ashton mutters as Luke dives down after his errant cutlery. "We’re so going to get kicked out of here." Luke lifts the cloth and crawls completely under the table in search of his knife.

Calum’s waitress approaches and Ashton’s ready to apologise and drag his bandmates out by their ears, but all she asks is if they’re ready to order.

"Steak," Ashton says quickly. She’s eyeing Luke’s feet sticking out from under the tablecloth, which is kind of good because it means she hasn’t noticed the obvious pink-cheeked way Michael and Calum are grinning at her. "For all of us. four steaks," Ashton says, snapping his menu shut and gather the others’, hoping it’ll make her leave before disaster strikes.

She casts a weird look at each of them and writes their order slowly on their notepad. “Anything else?” She asks apprehensively as she takes Ashton’s stack of menus from him.

"No, thank you, that’s all. Thank you." Ashton tries to compensate for their weirdness with manners and a winning smile. It gets her to leave anyway. Ashton deflates, dropping back into his chair.

"You guys," he starts, but Calum’s already pulled a pen from somewhere and is scribbling his number on his serviette. "You can’t give her your number, oh my god," Ashton gasps, reaching for the pen but Calum’s too quick and the table is too wide for him to reach diagonally across it. "Michael, tell him. She’s not interested. She thinks we’re freaks," he says.

Michael snaps his head up to look at him, pink faced with a far off kind of look in his eyes. “What?” he asks unsteadily, and then squeaks.

"What the fuck," Ashton mutters. "Luke," he says, and bends to check if he’s found his knife yet or what, ready to haul him back up by the back of his pants if he has to. "Have you really not - oh my god," Ashton whisper-screams, jumping back up and glancing around the room in panic.

Michael starts giggling and after a moment Luke backs out from under the table with a sheepish look and his knife clutched in his fist. “You can’t do that!” Ashton hisses.

"Bro, you look like your head’s going to explode," Calum comments distractedly, giving their waitress a little wave to attract her attention.

"Oh my god," Ashton repeats and pushes his chair back from the table, "I’m out," he announces and gets up, folding his serviette up and placing it on the table with the serenity of someone who’s finally actually lost their sanity. He hopes at least one of them remembered to bring money for the bill.


End file.
